


Far From Over

by mggislife2789 (dontshootmespence)



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Addiction, Best Friends, Comfort Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:10:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22188337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontshootmespence/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: After surviving torture at the hands of Tobias Hankle, Spencer calls his best friend and fellow BAU member Olivia Galway for help, leading to secrets, both positive and negative, coming to light.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Olivia Galway, Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

A shrill ring sounded through the air – a special ringtone she’d programmed just for Spencer. The silence that followed was that of snow falling on a cold winter’s night. She’d have thought it was a prank if it weren’t for the ringtone and the faintest hint of breath on the other end. “Livie?”

“Spence? What’s-“

“I need you.”

She shot out of her apartment like a bat outta hell. Since the day they’d found him alive, he’d refused to talk with anyone – not even her. Living through something like that was one in a million. Traumatic didn’t even begin to cover it.

Running up the stairs, Olivia knocked frantically on the door. “Spence, it’s me. Open up.” She could tell the apartment was dark save for a small lamp he loved.

When he opened the door, she gasped. He looked like hell, eyes sunken, skin paler than it already was. “What’s happening, Spence? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing in the immediate,” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I just…wanted to talk.”

Olivia breathed a small sigh of relief as she stepped foot in the apartment, tossing her bag to one side. “Sit, Spence. I’ll grab us a drink.”

“Just water for me.” He lumbered toward the couch. Though she’d seen him every day since he’d returned, and knew for a fact his foot was healing, he still looked as broken as he did that night when she’d charged through the woods searching for her best friend.

After grabbing herself a soda, she filled up a glass of water and placed it next to him on the side table before sitting at his side. “Talk to me,” Olivia whispered.

“I see him every time I close my eyes,” he breathed. Spencer’s head fell into his hands, a soft sob escaping from between his lips.

Olivia reached over and pulled him into her shoulder. “It’s only been a month. This too shall pass.”

“A Persian adage used to describe the temporary nature of the human condition.”

“Yea,” she whispered, leaning against the back of the couch and pulling him against her chest. “I can’t imagine how hard this for you, but you don’t have to do it alone.”

Spencer didn’t say anything, instead allowing the silence to fill him for a moment. Ever since he left the ambulance, Tobias’ and Charles’ and Raphael’s voices kept fighting for dominance in his head. They were fighting against his, his mother’s, anyone and everyone. For the first time since then, his mind was quiet, but before he knew it, he was sobbing against her shoulder.

“What is it, Spence?”

“I just keep thinking what would’ve happened if you hadn’t understood my message.” He’d lost count of how many times he’d nearly died that weekend. All that he’d felt. First he’d been afraid, then resigned, then determined, knowing he’d rather die than hand Raphael a name of one of his team members. But just before Olivia and the rest of the team had arrived, all he could feel was guilt – guilt that was only compounded when he shot Tobias.

“But I did. And you knew I would because I know you better than anyone. Ask everyone, I was screaming for you to speak to me, to give me a message so that we could find you. God, I was so afraid I was gonna lose you.” Since she’d walked into the apartment, she’d been trying to stay strong for him, but she couldn’t any longer. The entire time Hankle had him her heart had been in her throat. She held him closer and kissed the top of his head. “I promise you’re not alone okay?”

“I keep waiting to gain control of my life again, you know?” He asked as he lifted his head.

A lone tear fell down his cheek and she wiped it away with the pad of her thumb, her free hand grasping his. “You will. Until then, I’m here.”

As their fingers intertwined, he lifted his head and brushed his lips against hers. “I’m sorry,” he said, guilt rushing over him in waves. “I didn’t mean-“

“Spence, it’s okay.” She stopped him in his tracks as he paced the floors, cradling his face and pressing a kiss to his lips. “What do you need?”

Despite was his body and mind were telling him, he knew what this was – a friend trying to comfort a friend in a time of need – and he wouldn’t jeopardize the best friendship he had because of this. That night had already taken too much from him. “I can’t lose you, Olive.”

She smiled sadly at the nickname. One he’d given her after realizing her obsession with black olives. “You won’t. Ever, okay? Nothing that has happened or will happen will change the fact that I love you.”

“Like a friend, and I can’t cross that line knowing I can’t have you every day.” His mind hurt too much to put up pretenses.

Olivia parted his lips with her tongue and tangled her hands in his hair. “Spence, I’ve had a crush on you since I bumped into you in hallway while I was in the Academy.”

“What?”

“Yea,” she breathed. “I read your papers while I was in the Academy and was always fascinated by you. Then I bumped into you like an idiot and you stumbled over your words. You were wearing that red sweater vest you love so much. The one with a whole in the bottom that I said you should get rid of because it might unraveling while you’re wearing it.”

“You remember all that?”

“I do.”

Spencer took a deep breath and pulled her close, his hand gliding up the small of her back and into her crimson locks. “I need you,” he whispered, letting the floodgates of all the words unspoken between them over the past two and a half years.

With all the grace of a baby animal taking its first steps, Spencer and Olivia tumbled into the bedroom, pulling their clothes off, unable to get close enough quickly enough. Then she noticed the track marks on his right arm and grabbed it, fresh tears pooling in her eyes. “Spence! I-“ She knew it. Deep down, she knew that there was something more on his mind than his beating at the hand of Hankle.

Spencer looked away ashamed, lip trembling. “He drugged me that entire weekend. I don’t know why I took it from his pocket, but I can’t stop. I don’t know how…”

Grasping his face in her hands, Olivia pleaded with him. “Yes, you can. Because you don’t have to do it alone. Spence, I’ll come with you to NA meetings, I’ll sleep here every night if I have to but please, please, I can’t watch you die. Don’t make me watch you die.” She sobbed against his chest. She couldn’t even imagine what her life would be if she lost him.

“I’ll get help,” he whispered into the air. “I will. I promise.”

She pressed kisses up his collarbone and neck, hoping it was enough to convey to him what he meant to her.

“What do you need, Spencer?” The depths of her forest green eyes told him she was there in whatever way he needed.

He lifted her onto the bed and kneeled in front of her, palms holding her legs open for his gaze. What he needed was her. As his right hand slipped over her skin and the downy tuft of redden hair above her sex, he kissed her inner thigh, watching for her reactions and proceeding accordingly.

Olivia’s eyes fluttered closed as she surrendered herself to Spencer’s ministrations. He hovered over her sex for a moment before licking a stripe up her slit. She gasped, trying to close her legs, but he wouldn’t allow it, keeping them open with just the slightest bit of pressure. His lips pursed around her clit, making her moan and tangle her hands in his hair. “Spence,” she whimpered. “More, please.” He needed control and she wanted to lose it.

Spencer finally allowed himself to get lost in her, switching between long licks and soft kisses, lips and tongue, anything and everything he could possibly think of to make her shake within his grasp. When he added two fingers inside her and curled them upward, she shook into his mouth and cried out for him.

As he crawled up the length of the bed, he brought her with him, placing her head on the pillow. “I need you…all of you.”

“You have me.”

He lifted her leg up and around his waist as he slipped inside her heat, getting lost in the feeling. Pumping inside her felt as close to heaven as he would be probably ever be. “I love you.”

Wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders, she painted his skin in the kisses he needed and deserved, mewling as he pounded into her. Every time she contracted around him, he groaned into her neck and sped up his pace, moving ever closer to that delicate balance between control and loss of it that he’d been craving for weeks.

“Fuck me, Spence. That’s it.”

“Come for me, Livie,” he whispered, biting down gently on her earlobe.

As he legs began to shake, she threw her head back and cried out into the air, digging her hands into his ass as he thrusted one final time and spilled inside her. Their heavy breaths filled the room when he fell to her side. “I do love you, Olive.”

She turned to him and kissed his shoulder blade, at least a hint of the hurt he’d felt before having disappeared. But she knew his fight was far from over.


	2. The Shaky Path Forward

In the first hours, right after Olivia tossed all the stashes Spencer had hidden across the apartment, she could feel his restlessness, his legs bouncing up and down, hands shaky with a burning need he felt ashamed to voice. She tried to get him to lie down in bed, but he couldn’t get comfortable, tossing and turning for hours on end as his muscles pulsed with an intensity he hadn’t felt in some time. “I can’t do this, Livie.”

“You can.”

She tried to soothe him in any way she could, but it was no use. His muscles spasmed until he was so tired he had no choice but to fall asleep, only to be woken up hours later with an overwhelming need to vomit. He barely got to the toilet in time, but the retching was so loud it woke Olivia up.

Running toward the bathroom, she rubbed his back, feeling helpless as the withdrawal took its toll on his body. They both took off for a few days, under the guise of both being ill with the flu, while the worst of Spencer’s symptoms subsided. His muscles throbbed, the nausea was debilitating, he slept for at most two hours at a time and for the life of him he couldn’t stop his eyes from watering – lacrimation. “What if they know?” Spencer asked. “About me? About us?”

Though the physical symptoms hadn’t lasted more than a few days, his hands still shook with anxiety. “When it comes to us, I’m sure they don’t know anything.”

“And what about me?”

Olivia smiled sadly and pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips. “It doesn’t take a profiler to see that something’s wrong, Spence. And we work with the best in the world.”

He scratched his forearm lightly, more than uncomfortable with the fact that they might know anything, let alone the whole story. “Ready to go?” She asked. “We’ll drive separately. Keep us a secret for a little while longer.”

“Thanks,” Spencer replied. He could only handle so much at one time. And right now it was just a miracle that he hadn’t shot up in more than 72 hours.

—

Spencer insisted on grabbing a cup of coffee on the way into work, and although Olivia trusted him, she insisted on going with him. The drugs had only been out of his system for three days. Cravings could derail him in an instant.

He was deluding himself into thinking that grabbing a cup of coffee would cover up his jitteriness. He could blame it on the caffeine. Obviously, the withdrawals were still clouding his judgment. Every member on his team knew either what was up or had noticed a change in him at the very least.

Either way, she placated him and they grabbed a cup of coffee before going into work. Hotch smiled knowingly at you when you exited the elevator before beckoning Spencer to his office. Olivia was certain he’d picked up on something, but she could only hope he realized that Spencer could still do the job, and that he was getting help.

—

Vibrating with anxiety, Spencer crossed the threshold into Hotch’s office, biting his lip in an attempt to keep any other visible withdrawal signs at bay. “What is it, Hotch?”

“Sit.”

Spencer did as he was asked, trying to think of something to say.

“Now, Reid-“

“Sir, -“

“Listen. I need you to listen. If you think that I haven’t noticed anything, that the team hasn’t noticed anything, you’re in denial. We all have. I figured something was wrong after that case in Westchester shortly after everything happened. You were irritable and distracted. Then in New Orleans you missed that plane. I’m assuming you got hooked on the dilaudid Hankle was drugging you with and I know you’ve been struggling. I just need you to know that you aren’t in this alone and if you want to talk to me about anything, I’m here. You’re a valuable member of this team, and we don’t want to lose you in any capacity.”

Spencer swallowed hard against the emotion building in him. “Thank you, Sir.”

As he stood up to leave, Hotch called for him, asking for Olivia to be sent in next. “Sure thing.”

—

Olivia projected an air of confidence as she walked into Hotch’s office, hoping to deflect.

Hotch closed the blinds and placed his hand on her shoulder. “I’m going to tell you what I told Reid. I know about his addiction. I know he was reeling after Hankle. And I know that you know.”

Her shaking gaze only betrayed her in the slightest way, but it was all the confirmation Hotch needed. “He’s not alone.”

“He knows he’s not…and at least the first steps toward healing…they’ve been taken. We just need to keep an eye on him. He can still do the job, Sir.”

“I know that. Even clouded, his intellect is invaluable, as is he. Just…try and keep this under the radar. If something happens, something that I can’t keep away from Bureau management, I will have to report him. That’s the last thing I want.”

“Understood, Sir.” Olivia’s crystalline blue eyes glistened with fresh tears. “Thanks.”

—

Cases came and went, each one more gruesome than the last. For the most part, Spencer was able to compartmentalize, keep the cravings at bay while focusing on work. But occasionally, he found himself snapping at his team, unable to stop himself, regret immediately following.

It was the irritability that was truly eating at him more than anything else. After watching Jack Vaughn shoot that suspect in front of him, he tried harder and harder to save everyone, victim and suspect alike, and yet it was an impossibility that he couldn’t bear.

Nearly every case they came across he felt himself spiraling, before regaining at least a semblance of composure. The up and down was exhausting.

On top of that, everyone knew. The entire team. And every time they caught his eye it felt like he was being pitied, which he knew wasn’t true, at least 100 percent of time, but his brain wouldn’t shut up and he couldn’t take it.

Morgan offered to take him out for drinks, but Spencer was too afraid of swapping one addiction for another. JJ insisted he could call her at any time for any reason. Garcia had even been giving him unsolicited, wordless hugs that held on for just a little longer than normal.

Spencer had the entire team behind him and yet he still felt like he was drowning. The worst was when he took it out on Olivia, without whom he’d still be knee deep in drugs if not dead.

“Olive, I’m fine! Can you please stop asking?”

He turned to see the hurt on her face and immediately hated himself. “Sorry, I’m sorry, Liv.” With his head in his hands, he sat next to her on the couch. “I’m not fine. I don’t know, I-“

“Spence, talk to me. What’s being going on in therapy lately?”

She’d convinced him to talk with a therapist thankfully. It took some convincing, but he finally went and he seemed to be making progress, but then he stagnated. “We talk about what happened with Hankle mostly. How to move past it. How to make the nightmares stop. And it seemed to be helping, but now I’m getting angry again.”

“You craving more lately?”

“Yea,” he mumbled.

“What’s making you crave? Is it the cases? We’ve had worse.” Olivia rubbed his back as he tried to process the trains of thought that were barreling toward each other at Mach speed. 

Spencer leaned back into the couch and stared forward, his eyes vacant, yet his mind going crazy. “When Hankle was drugging me I kept thinking of my mom. All the ways I let her down.”

“Let her down? Spence, you’ve been the most amazing son. What could you possibly have to feel guilty about in that respect?” Olivia hated seeing the man she loved so tortured by guilt.

As if reliving the situation brought back the pain, he began to massage his arms, almost hugging himself. “I put her in a home. I started working a job thousands of miles away. I barely see her anymore.”

“Spence, you’re a grown man living your life,” Olivia assured him, leaning her head on his arm. “You made sure she has only the best in care. You write her letters every day. Even through her illness, she talks about you to her nurses and the other patients all the time. She knows how much you love her.”

“Still doesn’t make me feel less guilty.” A tear fell from the corner of his eye and Olivia wiped it away with the pad of her thumb. “It just brought up a lot of repressed guilt. The kind that was just below the surface, you know? Thing was, when I thought of my mom it was always as I was waking up, but when I first got knocked out, it was bliss.” He hated using that word but it’s how he felt. “When you find the right dose, you’re able to make your mind go completely blank. You don’t have to think about anything. Good or bad. I’ve never really found a way to quiet my mind completely and even though I knew taking drugs was bad, I was in a vulnerable place so I guess the strength to say no just wasn’t there…and then it spiraled.”

Olivia kissed his cheek and cuddled up closer to him. “You’re off it now, Spence.”

“I am, but I can’t quiet my mind anymore. With drugs or anything else.”

“Then maybe that’s something you need to address with your therapist,” Olivia suggested. “Ask about coping mechanisms and try and work through the guilt you have about your mom. That seems to be root of how you’re feeling. At least right now. You’re nightmares about Hankle seem to have stopped, right?”

Nodding, Spencer spoke, “For the most part, yes. Maybe once or twice a month. The other part of it is my guilt about shooting him.”

“Spence, it was self defense. I know he was sick, but he wasn’t in control of himself and Raphael was gonna kill you.”

“So I need to work on my guilt and I need a coping mechanism,” he said softly.

Olivia added. “And you need to be completely honest about the guilt about your mom. I can tell you haven’t told her. The only way to move forward is to process everything. And make peace with the fact that sometimes you’ll still think about this. About everything that happened.”

She squeezed his hand tight. “It’s hard,” he said softly, on the verge of tears. “It’s really hard.”

“I know,” Olivia whispered. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

“Thank you, Olive.”

“For what?” She asked.

“For your patience. Just being here. As much as my mother tried, she couldn’t always be there for me. You’re the first person who always has been.”

“And that won’t change. Ever.”


End file.
